Bathrooms One Mile Up

I just got back from Lexington, Kentucky.  On the map, it doesn't really look that far from my home in Magalia, but I could have flown to Paris in the amount of time it took me to get to the Bluegrass Airport.  This fact caused me to spend an unusual amount of time in the Delta bathroom. Actually, this shouldn't count as a "room", perhaps "closet" is a better term.  Anyway, these many visits caused me to realize the necessity for rules and regulations that should be enforced and punishable by throwing a passenger out of the plane if not followed (don't gasp, they can have a parachute).

• Men must sit down. Always. Period. No exceptions. End to standing in sticky pee.
• No pooping. End of discussion. No passenger seated in the back of the plane should be subject to family odors other than that of his own family.
• Sweet smelling sprays should be made available to disguise the B.O. of passengers with overactive glands.
• The sign that reads "Please be courteous and wipe out the sink for the next passenger" should be replaced with "Drain the damn sink you slob."
• People in first class should not have bigger bath closets.  They already have free booze and don't have to pay for their sandwich. Enough is enough.

So, there it is.  Toileting rules.  Afterall, it's just too hard to hold it for nine hours and there aren't any bushes in the air to use.  With no other alternatives, there has to be some regulations to make everyone's toileting experience a happy one.